Exams are heere!!! Study study study!!! Need something to DESTRESS! yea? u know what i mean, da computer games, outings, slacking, resting and tv watching xD Been reading lots of poems these few days, thought they were quite interesting, intriguing and filled with many different meanings with an abundance of wordplay. Something simple words never fail to comprehend. I tried countless of times, but just couldn't or rather never get the same feelings that stirred up whenever i read those heart wrenching but true poems.
Realise many thing;if i work for something, I might not succeed but at the very least i got the minute chance of succeeding. If you think its worth it then very well go for it, its might no be within your reach but at least the attempt of reaching for it makes it all worthwhile. Going to study for geography paper, this year has been well screwed but i do wish and hope in my heart that its not too late to save my forsaken results that i already long given up on...Cause I know deep within i still want to save it.....
Have you ever had the mixed feeling of guilt and dejection?... The feeling you get when you see others in misery or pain? The warm tears you can feel in your eyes and the blistering slashes on your injured heart you experience when you see you yourself causing others to be sad?... The bitter remorse and sour regrets you taste whenever you felt you've just wasted your life? The feeling of waiting for that summer of love you know that will never arrive and yet still held on cause of a single and funny thing known as hope? The heart shattering rejections, the anguished sorrow when she pours out her woes to you and yet theres absolutely nothing you can do but just watch her tears fall? And most of all the fact that she tried to avoid you and put on an act; as if she doesn't know you love her or she gives a response for the sake of her friend and not because she wanted to do it?......... I'm just waiting for that answer thats never seems to draw near, I wish i could burn those rotting memories together with my dreams but i know i'll never give up on you no matter what.... I love you
6:25 AM;
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Lols i'm like kinda changing back to how i was in sec 1 sia... Geek 101 : Black thick frames, tuck in shirt, high socks, hair flat flat, manners, courtesy, homework hand in on time and just no vulgarities... How hard could that be? lols no kick, like real.... harder than anything i've ever imagine... Hair kena cut i diam diam, no more contacts can cry, shirt tuck out bo bian, homework never hand up on time used to it and vulgarities? Don't say den confirm is i something wrong liao.... dam man! tried telling myself it was all for her... End up trying but can't change the fact that i'm just trying to bluff myself when its really impossible.... If i were to believe that i had a chance, i might as well bang my head on the wall and tell myself its IMPOSSIBLE.... Try proving me wrong..... Realised that many things made sense now, the fact why things never seem to work out, the fact that shes always out of my reach and the fact that things just gotten worse without a doubt... Waited for her to chnage to online instead of busy or away, ever since early afternoon. Ends up she offlined the moment it struck 6 plus. Haish... as the days goes on, she just drifts further and further away. If you've got another guy, would you just tell me and break my forsaken heart, rather than letting it bleed to death by hanging it in painful suspense? I can't find the right words no more, just desperately wishes she knows how im feeling now or just tell me that its gone case so i don't have to spend every everlasting minute of my life wondering am i not good enough for her, missing her and thinking bout each and everything bout her....
4:15 AM;
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gazette - Zetsu
On this rainy Tuesday, the heavy humidity feels pleasant I can hear her emotions resounding from the destroyed bedroom Her discontent, greed, jealousy, and confining nature Will she eventually end my suffering and break me down? On this rainy Tuesday, I don't want to go into that bedroom Predisposed to hysteria, you're fascinated with your wrists again My suffering will eventually sever the pipe Just as planned, you did break me down
Is this your true self, following on my heels flirting even now? It makes me laugh, how ugly you are...
Scattering, scattering roses in the saliva - tonight, there are no tears. [1] Scattering, scattering - I loved you, the past, those sweet days I can't return to
On this rainy Tuesday, in my nausea and headache My convulsing pupils caught sight of you running away I want to keep playing, I want to feel it until I'm sick of it Give me the satisfaction of ending your greed
Crying out in tears, my face is void of expression Let's mingle together to liberate ourselves more, and deteriorate...
Deeply, deeply, as if to melt, deep suffering, pain, and anguish I am captivated and drowning in this danger and bewitching beauty Scattering, scattering undampened flowers and your frigidity [2] Left to pleasure myself, trembling, trembling - if I came, the daily regrets would be in vain
On this rainy Tuesday, the heavy humidity feels pleasant My new girlfriend is a type A addict in a wheelchair You're a quiet, cleanly, pure rose without a speck of dirt Let's hope every day that the 12th victim won't appear.
[1] Sort of a play on words - "bara" means rose, and "barabarabara" is an onomatopoeic expression of scattering. He wrote it here with various kanji, including part of the kanji for "rose". [2] More wordplay - he wrote "fukan SHOW TIME", but "fukan" is part of the word "fukanshou", meaning [sexual] frigidity. So he combined "fukanshou" with "showtime", which really has nothing to do with anything :P
5:54 AM;
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Song: All Over you Artist: The Spill Canvas Lyrics: Yeah, he's a looker, But I really think it's guts that matter most I displayed them for you Strewn out about from coast to coast I am easily make believe Just dress me up in what you want me to be I'll take back what I've been saying For quite some time now
I gotta feel you in my bones again I'm all over you I'm not over you I wanna taste you one more time again I'm all over you. I'm not over you
In my daydreams, in my sleep Infatuation turning into disease You could cure me See all you have to do now is please try Give it your best shot and try All I'm asking for is love But you never seem to have enough
I gotta feel you in my bones again I'm all over you I'm not over you I wanna taste you one more time again I'm all over you I'm not over you
This life is way too short To get caught up in all this stuff When i just want you to love me back Why can't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back? (Why can't you?, why can't you?) Why can't you just love me back? (Why can't you?, why can't you?) Why can't you just love me back? (Why can't you?, why can't you just love?)
I've gotta feel you in my bones again I'm all over you I'm not over you I wanna taste you one more time again (Just one more time)
This life is way too short To get caught up and all mixed up When I just want you to love me back Why can't you just love me back? Why won't you just love me back? Why can't you just love me back?
8:04 AM;
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Revamped =D Suddenly had the mood to renew my whole blog... Having lots of mixed feelings nowadays, going nutz inside but so lethargic on the outside... Can't seem to put everything i want to say into words, they never fail to vanish each and everytime i try to even touched them... They remind me of events, events that starts to pierce my heart so deeply that the pains wakes me from my slumber. The day she said those words, i couldn't sleep for the whole night, spent it wondering why why why....WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!? WHAT IS IT THAT I REALY WANT? WHAT DO I NEED TO JUST HAVE A PEACEFUL SLEEP AT NIGHT? T.T Most of all, wheres my answers?.... Saw lots of poems recited by heartbroken people, all of them had 1 thing in common, ALL CONTAINS BITTERNESS WRAPPED BY REMORSE AND DECOMPOSED BY TIME... whats left is only regrets that burns in the heart... All i need is a sign, a hope, a signal for me to continue walking. I can do anything just for you cause my world revolves around you and only you....
Whats there to say? Whats there to fear? Never start to move away, As it only draws as near.
Why am i running? Why am i so afraid? I continued falling, but never ever dead.
I tried looking at you, But i never dared. Chances are ever so few, So i tried to stare.
I saw your smile, It took my breath away! I turned my view to the file, Wishing i could look in your way.
I couldn't believe it was real, A smile so innocent its new . I swear i thought i saw an angel. But i knew it was always you...
I have faith in you and believe you, I trust myself that i made the right decision, I'll be waiting =)...
I Hereby End my post =D Peace out and TC ^^
10:26 AM;
YOURS TRULY;
Kevin Teo
14 year old
D.O.B : 16/02/94
Date deceased: The day shes out of my life.
School: Anderson Secondary Class 3/4'09
Email: Skteo94@hotmail.com
(Can't say much)
