Thursday, August 21, 2008
I mean... I'm sorry, i don't know whats got into me... Been so fraustrated with myself, thought of many things but everything just so uncunningly points to the fact that i'm just a plain failure. I'm so sick and tired of it, but what can i do to change it? To undo what i've done, the mistakes i made and the wrongful steps i took.
I just can't let them go! Why can't anyone just understand what i'm going through now? Those pain that can't be worded, sorrow undescribed, hatred that flooded and jealousy that blinded. Has everything i know vanished or were just engulfed by fear?
I don't wanna know whats in store for me no more, all i wanna know is whether will i drown in my own depression...
I "Dunno" what to write already, just wish to severe ties with headaches and hangovers.
4:07 AM;
Monday, August 18, 2008
Wow great, you stole my lines, kicked me aside and made me the bad guy. WHATS WORSE?
Now that your gone, everthings turning upside down for me. What should i do? HATE YOU TO DA CORE? or JUZ TAKE THE BLAME FOR ALL AND LET PPL HATE ME FOR ALL I CARE!
Dam fuck up mood, kanina, come screw my life for fuck?...
My world's turned upside down, what can i say? HATE ME! A while this, a while that all jibye tai ji all fuck off la. Homework give me i bo chap, worksheets give me i burn them, dare scold me you watch out and all bitches and bastards thats out to screw my world FUCK OFF =D
Tried explaining, all you could ask was WHY WHY WHY but you could never tell me what you din't know, all you knew was to ask why. WHY WAT? WHY AM I NOT SCREWED ENOUGH? OR WHY ISN"T IT ALL MY FAULT? WHY AM I NOT BREAKING DOWN AFTER ALL? WHY AM I SO DUMB TO TAKE ALL THE BLAME?
Nah...no more man, LEARNT MY LESSON THE HARD WAY... Screw this year for all i care since i know i ain't smart enough to stay on so why not i just make it easy for you and FUCK OFF yea?...
I'm trying so hard to survive that i can't even think straight, if thats not enough i could only say i rather be dead.
I'm just doing things for the sake of doing it, i'm like a dog chasing car; i wouldn't know what to do even if i grabbed it. I just felt like it.
You were my hope, my angel, my only light in the abyss of depression. But now, your my sorrow, my disapointment, deception, my harbinger of death and misery. What happened to you?...
"Dun hope anymore" GREAT! now i've got no hope, might as well end this pathetic life right? i mean its quite pointless already when all the answers to my questions were "dunno". Tried probing and the next time you'll get is "sorry". How many of these does it take to understand its true meaning?
'Goodnight=Goodbye
'Dunno=No
'Hope=Nope
'Sorry= *I can never understand this*
Now my life is screwed, nothing seem to matter no more. Gonna look foward to my hols after SA2 and hopefully die from sleeping if its possible. tata, gonna drown myself in my respite. And I ain't gonna hope no more, would rather i never awake from it at all... (Hypocrite signing out)
6:46 AM;
Thursday, August 14, 2008
haha Feeling great but dunno why...
I FEEL GREAT!!! The kind of anti-burden and yet fufiling feel just hits the spot at this time. Wonder if this is the feel of just letting everything go and not think about it, MAI MIND IS BLANK!!!! WOOHOO!!! Peerrffecct~
I DUN WANNA THINK ABOUT YOU,YOU,YOU,YOU,YOU,YOU,YOU! =D Needless to say HOMEWORKS TOO! I JUZ WANNA LIVE LIFE THE WAY IT SHOULD BE LIVED, FREE AND EASY^^ No more worrying bout You,you,you and no more wondering where u go, what u did or whatever the f*** happened!
Everyday keep telling myself "NEVER GIVE IN, PERSEVERE!" but i do so much for wat? Just let nature take its course lor since she oso bo chap. Sua sua. Tried talking to her she dao me, only bo liao den a sai talk? liddat i mai talk liao...
*Whistles"... Feeling so great and free~
Man! only screams and senseless shouting can describe how im feeling.
BLANK MIND ROCKS, been racking my mind nutz trying to help u in everyways and yet trying so hard just to get myself heartbroken in the end. I mean I LOVE YOU but since you dun care, VACATIONS FOR ME =D
Later go finish all homework, wanna think about NOTHING ELSE AT ALL LE! ^^
The more i think the more paranoid and worried but over wat?
If i no chance i rather u juz tell me, give me the signs and i confirm more dulan.
AIya here i go again. KEVIN, SHUT UP, SHE AIN'T GONNA CARE!
Just living life~
5:46 AM;
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I slipping of the edge of my mind,
Can't anyone see what I'm trying to find?
I'm on the verge of fading away,
Can you please help me find my way?
If only you could know how I'm feeling,
The everlasting bitter pain of failing.
I watched on as my words was engulfed,
Not being able to do anything like clouds.
What am i to you in those gleaming eyes?
Wanted to ask, but knew it wasn't wise.
The truth revealed, i was an apparition.
Why must it be this way? She din't mention.
As i bear the pain of my mind self-crucifixion,
I told myself, must i never give in to emotions.
The more i tried to hold everything back,
the more my love for you stacks.
7:52 AM;
Just when things seem so bright,
You had to extinguish the light.
I mean, why are you doing so?
Don't you know my world is now so cold?
I can't believe anything now,
Like all those hope i've found.
Their now nothing but empty lies,
those that were never ever nice.
Maybe theres still lingering a chance?
One that stays on like friends?
Never did i chose to speak,
All i did was to silently seek.
I don't want things to end this way,
Despite the fact i expected this day.
Why couldn't we just work things out?
You're the only one i can think about...
6:48 AM;
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Don't feel like posting, F*cking moodless now... WHY MUST ALL OF YOU LIE TO ME!? I HATE LIARS!... All of them i can just forget but why you?....
8:00 AM;
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Forever is rubbish, hope is a lie.
The world is gonna be without colours.
For today is the day innocence died,
Lets us cheer and mourn for its funeral.
Don't feel like continuing with this poem, any kind souls willing to help? =D
Tomorrows's gonna be a hell of a day for me, haish.... my lifespan is seriously gonna shorten if this carries on.
6:00 AM;
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Rate me on this poem! =D Appoint 5
My mind made a trip back to the past,
Can't believe everything made sense.
What happened to me,you and us?
What can be now is only just friends.
I want time to be turned back,
but i knew it could never happen.
If it could, I promise we'll be on the right track.
And nevertheless very different.
"Vanity" reminded me of only you,
the way you made my summer rained.
Is it typical for you to be so cruel?
To make me taste the tears and feel the pain.
Can happiness so vague be devoured?
I want to know cause its my all.
I tried my best and endeavoured,
My guess would be it was meant to fall...
6:23 AM;
