Thursday, April 02, 2009
(This Post ain't suppose to be here, You ain't suppose to be seeing this.)
HowParanoiaAndJealousyMayDriveOneCrazy. The way life gets around me. This story might just come true.
Fear and anxiety gripped me as the gentle breeze caressed my shivering face. If only somebody could have given me a reason, a simple reason to live, breathe and be alive. Was it that hard for me to breathe? Yes. Without any remorse nor second thoughts, I looked down, deep into the world filled with hypocrites and backstabbing, selfish liars they call people. Has everyone lost what I thought they would have? A simple but hard to find conscience. As you drift further and further away, it only gave me more reason and blinded courage to close my eyes to take another step. You were the only one that matters, I thought time would wash away my memories of you but it never did, it only made me miss you more than ever. I know words can't mean a thing to you anymore, the only thing you see is his care, his company and all that he has that I have to die knowing I can never have. Lies, were they meant to be my respite? It hurts the most to know the person you trust most lied to you. Maybe death could be a respite for me... My heart palpitated as the next step only brought me closer and closer to the ledge. Whats next was unknown but I know for sure, if your happy with him, my death would mean nothing to you. I'm just another scene from a movie that you've seen one hundred times, you won't miss me nevertheless remember me. Forsaking my mind, my hesitation pulled me back. Your my heart, the one and only. I could give up the whole world for you but you chose to give up on me. I could wait forever for an answer but you chose to give him the answer in a matter of weeks. I could swear to god I love you wholeheartedly and truly but you chose to keep me hanging. Tell me I would fall to death and I'll tell you to watch me do it cause I know my life is meaningless without her. Guardian Angel? I've failed, I'm the worse there is cause all I know how to do is to make her cry while he could always be by her side to be her hero, her shoulder to lean on, her source of solace. I 've tried, a million, a zillion times to just walk over there and be by her side, I know I tried. You know whats next too, I'm just not who she wanted. Unwanted, I was labeled, I wasn't even worth to be her friend. My mind broke down and my heart continues to bleed out the regrets, I don't wanna bring anything down with me, all I had in mind was I wish I'm gone. Tears fell like raindrops, each and single one of them reminding me how much I missed her, longed for her, needed her. "One last step" I told myself, and its all gonna be over. "One last bleeding" and I won't ever bleed again. There I went, down down and further down... "One last thought of you and him" I'm halfway down to neverland. "One last reminisce of your smile." Its all done. Farewell.